About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
