I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
