I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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