i think my tv is drunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize