Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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