...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
