he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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