the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
