Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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