UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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