Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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