You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
