the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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