it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
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I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
third nipple confirmed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"