she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
