So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back