nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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