Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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