all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
