If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
