There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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