I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
