I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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