I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
