im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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