i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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