my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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