Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
