i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
