My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
