theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
