so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
try to milk me bitch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
