My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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