Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
