yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
