i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
