I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
