Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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