now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
