I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
