I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
