i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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