Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
