Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
