The maid of honor just puked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
