i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
