in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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