Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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