I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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