you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
