I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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