I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
