I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
