Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
