yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
