It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
