one two three fourrrrnication!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...