So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
