My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize