Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
