Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
