I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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