I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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