listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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