She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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