Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
