thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
