return my video game
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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