my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize