We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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