I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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