I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
